Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tuesday Ensemble

Quite the ensemble at teh gym today. Honestly, I thought for sure that when switching from a hardcore bodybuilder/powerlifter/fitness/strongman gym to a mainstream corporate gym like 3T, there'd be less freaks.

Joke's on me, I guess. Who'd have thunk it. Today, it was like a cattle call for the casting of "Guido number three" in a low-budget rip-off of a third-rate Steven Seagal movie. In addition to several of the recurring cast members, there was:
  • The Tragic Trio: Salespeople or whatever rollin' three deep. One of them being the alpha dweeb, bossing and ordering the other two around and showin' them how to lift weights properly, and especially how to use the leg press equipment. "See; THIS is how you do it" in a loud voice so as to demonstrate "his" alpha traits to whomever happened to have the misfortune of being in close proximity. Which happened to be the guy standing at the squat rack minding his own bidness, i.e. me. It goes without sayin' that the alpha dweeb did every movement in such a way that but for the ridiculously light weights, his physical therapist would have immediately picked up brochures for the latest BMW's if he'd observed the goings on. Also, the "guy" wasn't exactly the paragon of fitness, so why anyone would want to take his advice on exercise is beyond me.
  • The Douchebag Duo: Two ultraskinny late teens/early 20's with tennis arm protectors working biceps for the longest time before moving on to chins. Assisted chins, that is, as neither seemed capable of performing one rep, which is understandable after endless sets of curls. How did they spot each other on chins? The spotter stood behind the other guy and pushed his ass up for every rep. Between reps, the dude supposedly doing the exercise rested his ass on the upper chest of the spotter, all the while the spotter was shouting slogans like "All you" etc.
  • ETAT Boi: That's Epic Tribal Armband Tattoo Boi. To top it off, this invisible suitcase-wearing wunderkind had an ultratight tee with a picture of some really ugly guy with a mullet and a mustache over some name and the inscription "King Of Porn". This fourth-generation inbreed is gonna make his sister or cousin a very happy woman some day, I'm sure.....
  • Freak Lady: Prances around in spandex pants and a sports bra (or possibly a very minimal top). The kicker: The lower edge of the sports bra is lined with lots and lots of paper towels so as to avoid sweat running down. VERY hard not to notice.

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