Thursday, September 10, 2009

..the drugs don't work some more

This VG article, that I wrote about in a post yesterday, is a veritable treasure trove of delusions, bone-headed statements and factual errors. Clearly the previous post did not milk the material for all that it's worth - hence the follow-up. Here, I'll present some translated passages from the "article", with some commentary. I'm thinking that the "journalist" who wrote this piece does not have any journalism awards in his future:

"The humidity in the gym is almost inhuman, and the sweat is flowing from the large man. Here, there are no women, TV screens or treadmills. It's all about men, muscle and testosterone. They're pumping iron. Powerful upper arms are being worked to grow even larger and more bulging."

First of all, this reeks of heavy-duty bromance on the part of the "journalist". Second, it reads suspiciously similar to what has been written about Metroflex Gym in Texas, where former Mr. Olympia Ronnie Coleman used to work out. Almost verbatim, as a matter of fact... And how many clichés can you fit into one paragraph?

"One of the big guys is Tom from Oslo. He is 40 years old and works in the IT business."

First of all, unless someone screwed up and pulled a switcheroo on the photos in the articles, in what universe would "Tom" be considered to be a big guy? And second of all; a creepy-looking 40-year old IT loser from Norway who loiters around in Pattaya? Imagine my surprise. The only thing that would be more stereotypical was if he was anonymous and his face wasn't shown.....wait...never mind.

"'Thailand is one of the easiest countries to score anabolic steroids in - it's just as available as in Mexico', says Tom, who wishes to be anonymous. 'In Norway, the gyms are very strict. If you take steroids, you need to go to special gyms that are not part of a corporate chain, but even there you need to be careful', he says."

So people who take steroids are not found in corporate gym chains such as S.A.T.S? That doesn't really fit with what's usually written - coincidentally also with testimonies from anonymous douchebags who'd never have been suspected of drug use. So when people from, say, 24 Hour Fitness in Oslo compete in national bodybuilding competitions, they must be natural, right? 24 Hour Fitness being the mother of all international corporate gyms and all? It doesn't really fit with my experience from Norwegian gyms either - I've heard people talk about steroid cycles in pretty much all the gyms I've been to. And coincidentally I've never even heard of anyone who was tested or suspended from a gym due to drug use. Then again, I'm sure "Tom" knows what he's talking about. After all, he looks like the second coming of Arnold......

"Tom has been to Thailand several times"

I bet he has. I also wouldn't be surprised if "Tom" is the proud owner of an unmarked, windowless white van.

"Pattaya is a perfect place to work out. During the day, it's not much else to do. The gyms are good. They've got heavy weights, and the gyms are built for those who wish to work out hard and seriously."

There is not much else to do? There are no beaches, sights, excursions, that sort of thing in Thailand? Wow. Really a man of the world, "Tom". Regarding the gyms, the heavy weights and how it's tailored to serious lifters - again the photographic evidence sort of contradicts the story. Unless, that is, someone swapped the images, and a story about some poor shirtless guy currently trying to work his way back to health following a traffic accident now features pictures of a bodybuilder. Assuming the reekazoid in the photos really is "Tom" though, either this guy is more delusional than the combined delusion of all the flunkees from the first round of any talent show like "Idol", or the photographer only shot images of "Tom" warming up very lightly. From the accompanying photos, "Tom" wouldn't be able to roll heavy weights across the floor. More than 3/4 of males who actively lift weights have some form of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). However, the most common variety is to feel a lot smaller than the rest of the world perceives you to be. "Tom" on the other hand, clearly falls in the other category, where he looks in the mirror and sees something akin to a late 90's Kevin Levrone. What's perhaps most interesting here, is that Tom's BDD appears to have carried over to the "journalist", who also harbors the delusion that Tom looks like a steroid-using bodybuilder.

"As is typical for bodybuilders, Tom's got wide shoulders, enormous upper arms and a narrow waist. He has been bodybuilding since he was 22 years old."

Again, photographic evidence contradicts the statements made here. And if this is the results of 18 years of hard, consistent training with 'roids, then "Tom" sure got the fuzzy end of the lollipop in the genetic department.

"I could watch myself grow as I built muscles. It gave me a rush, and I like to stay in shape says "Tom", who does not have a family." "Tom" is single....imagine my surprise. An anonymous 40 year old single creepy-looking Norwegian IT nerd with a drug habit and delusions of adequacy who spends a lot of time and money in Pattaya. I can't understand why he's not fighting off women with a pointy stick.

"When Tom works out with dumbbells, he can easily do eight repetitions with each arm."

Nope - that's not a misprint. While I'm trying my best to be impressed that "Tom" can muster sufficient coordination to perform a non-descript movement eight times with each arm - easily, the level of impressiveness is somewhat dependent on how much resistance "Tom" is using, of which no mention is made. Now; I'm not at all blaming this on "Tom" - I put the blame for this squarely on the "journalist", who ought to go back to writing "For a good time call ..." on bathroom stalls.

"Tom started to experiment with steroids at an early age. ... Now he has to use doping (steroids) to maintain his body. 'At home I'm smaller because I don't use steroids that often, but here in Thailand I can build myself up again', "Tom" says."

He has to use drugs to maintain THAT, and he gets smaller when he returns to Norway because there he doesnt use 'roids that often? Dude; you're totally being ripped off - whatever you're taking isn't working. Or if you're getting legit stuff, you should see your GP in Norway, where odds are good that you can get a script for testosterone to get your levels up from that of a nine-year old girl. If the latter is the case, odds are you've got the worst genetics on the planet. 18 years and lots of roids and THAT's the result? Congratulations.

"He claims that he has not gotten any side effects from the steroids since he only uses large amounts when he is in Pattaya. When he's there, on the other hand, he uses both syringes and capsules, dianabol and andriol."

No kiddin' about the lack of side effects. Sugar pills and brine hardly give any side effects commonly associated with AAS. Which by the way also goes a long way towards explaining the complete lack of results, considering that this reekazoid claims to use large quantities when in Thailand.

By the way, from a writing point of view, the "pair" thing only works if the two pairs are correlated - "syringes and capsules, dianabol and andriol". While it's true that andriol - or testosterone undecanoate - comes in gel capsules, dianabol is most often taken orally and usually comes in the form of tablets - pink ones, even. So; barring "journalistic creative license" (a failed one at that), "Tom" also uses more heavy-duty injectable steroids. Maybe that's the problem right there: Yo "Tom": Not all pink tablets are d-bol.


Anders said...

I can't understand why he's not fighting off women with a pointy stick.

Too stingy with the Axe? :-D

Great post, chief. And I'm too are really surprised he's still single.

Wilhelm said...

..yeah; he doesn't apply enough "Axe" - that's gotta be it :-)