Friday, September 21, 2007

Worst movies I've seen on transatlantic flights

When you're trapped in a flying tin can with tons and tons of combustible fluids just outside for seven hours plus, you'd think that the in-flight movies would be quality affairs designed to relieve the passengers of anxiety and just inspire them to take a load off. This assumption does not fit very well with our experiences. If anything, the in-flight movies inspire me to read more books, and even give that crappy science fiction fiction book filled with minute details of equipment used during colonization of Planet X another chance, after previously discarding it as run-of-the-mill "Foundation" rip-offs. I've even read a book by Michael Moore during a transatlantic flight. Still the three worst movies I've watched while crossing the Atlantic ocean are:

The Fast And The Furious (2001)
I'm willing to bet top dollar that this piece of crap wasn't based on a book. As a matter of fact, I'd defy anyone to provide a coherent storyline for this movie with more than 50 words in it. The fact that someone made this movie doesn't surprise me as much as the fact that they made two more (haven't seen them but I imagine they must suck even more, as Vin Diesel didn't want to be associated with them, according to imdb.com). And the most amazing fact of all concerning this movie is that some people actually like it. Dude; buy one copy of Muscle&Fitness or FHM - depending on how you roll - one copy of "Hyooge Muscle Cars And Guns And Ammo" and play some crappy techno or rap-metal, and you've got yourself a pretty good substitute. Damn how this one sucks.

xXx (2002)
Vin Diesel as "extreme sports athlete" Xander Cage, i.e. The Fast And The Furious with a parachute. To make matters worse, good ol' SLJ contaminates both picture and sound with his presence. I imagine that the good people handling this flick in the theaters used full-on Area 51 suits to avoid lethal exposure to the toxic piece of monkey crap that is xXx.

Blue Crush (2002)
Tagline: If you want to feel the rush you have to take the risk. Plot outline according to imdb: As a hard-core surfer girl prepares for a big competition, she finds herself falling for a football player. Need I say more. One of the mexican chicks in Blue Crush also plays in The Fast And The Furious....

8 comments:

Anders said...

"Worst movies I've seen on transatlantic flights"

I got to travel more before I can start adding to that list... i don't think I've ever seen a movie on a plan, actually.

Wilhelm said...

Watched a lot of them 2001-2003. After that, I've seen them occasionally, typically during our way to a vacation spot. If I can help it, I've been on my last charter flight vacation. Narrower-than-f**k seats, no leg room and people who are already drunk on tax-free Kahlua.

Anders said...

Narrower-than-f**k seats, no leg room and people who are already drunk on tax-free Kahlua.

Add two kids, one without his own seat, and you've got my flight this summer...

Wilhelm said...

That's BRUTAL, brother..........

Next time I'm pretty sure that we'll look into getting an ordinary, commercial flight and just using Saga hotels or something.

Last time we flew charter was 2005, and on the way back I even had salmonella from eating a spicy chicken dish during drought season.........oh yeah; I KNOW it was dumb.

Bottom line is; in charter airline seats, my shoulders and arms are reaching well over into the next seat on one side, and if I'm on the aisle seat, I'm a prime target for those damn trolleys as the air waitresses wheel the junk along.

Anders said...

my shoulders and arms are reaching well over into the next seat on one side, and if I'm on the aisle seat, I'm a prime target for those damn trolleys as the air waitresses wheel the junk along.

Even I get those trolleys! I imagine your problems then...
But the worst thing for me is the short distance to the seat in front of me. And the you can only move the seat back like 5 cm.

Wilhelm said...

Tru, tru, it flat out sucks having the metal casing of the seat in front of you rubbing against your knees and shins for the duration of the flight.

Still; the most difficult part is trying to wolf down the airline food when the tray is down and you're like hermetically sealed in from three out of four sides (the aisle side still being pummeled by the junk cart). It's damn near anatomically impossible to use a knife and fork.

Pigeon said...

Dam I win
I've seen Daredevil and the Core on the same flight !!!!

Wilhelm said...

On the SAME flight, no less......

You win, hands down. Congrats, or sorry, whichever suits best.