Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Some more movies for the flu season

......nothin better for accompanying the fever-induced fog than some mind-numbingly stupid movies, like

Freddy vs. Jason (2007)
I love it - there's something to be said for Jason Voorhees slicing and dicing teenage skinny-dipping, Everclear-guzzlin', stoner, slacker, self-absorbed, dumb-as-nails, total lack of self-respect oxygen thieves. And of course, you can always identify the two survivors - it's the blond girl with the biggest implants/push-up bra (depending on whether or not she'll be doing any topless scenes) and her semi-jock, tall and dark boyfriend. Btw; regarding the "Legalize it" crew who insist that making out with MJ isn't bad for you - check this out. The next time your Smoky-the-bear friend puts on a Bob Marley record and starts to preach about the wonders of MJ, ask him: "Dude; didn't you use to be able to count to a hundred a few years back?"

In Hell - The Savage (2003)
Jean-Claude Van Damme is in Russia, and when JCVD's wife is killed by a burglar, and when the burglar runs free due to lack of evidence/bogus technicality, JCVD kills his ass and subsequently gets sentenced to life in a Russian prison. Where of course he has to fight every day against monsters with tribal armband tattoos and corrupt prison guards. Moreover, the corrupt prison guards are of course in cahoots with the Russian mafia. The only significant difference between this movie and the five previous Van Damme movies is that JCVD doesn't display much in the way of martial arts prowess here. Which really is a shame, as his kicks - especially his yoko geri and mawashi geri - are flawlessly executed.

Urban Justice (2007)
A good-hearted policeman is killed in a drive-by shooting, and the brass dismisses it as a random act of violence. Well guess what; the policeman's father is Steven Seagal, an - wait for it......waaaaaaaait for it - ex special forces and all-round badass. Big mistake, as Seagal moves to the inner city and goes medieval on everyone's asses in his efforts to unleash vengeance.

Death Of A President (2006)
What if President Bush had been assassinated in October 2007 after a speech in Chicago? That's what this quasi-documentary tries to portray. Despite it only being 93 minutes, it drags out for too damn long


Anders said...

Which really is a shame, as his kicks - especially his yoko geri and mawashi geri - are flawlessly executed.

Are they as good as his yoko ono?

Wilhelm said...

Nope, 'cause Yoko Ono can break any damn thing :-(

Anders said...

Well, she did break (up) a band...

(Gee, I'm full of it this morning)

Wilhelm said...

That's what I said, dude

Anders said...

Yes, isn't nice to agree for once?