Now with proper interweb connection at home

Finally we've got proper internet access at home. When we moved here, we counted on the cable company to provide us with internet service. In theory, cable companies have the massive advantage of already having this huge cable with which to transmit signals hooked up to your - or in this case our - house. In theory, cable tv providers ought to be able to kick the phone companies' collective asses when it comes to internet access. In practice however, I now subscribe to Scott Adams' theory that cable providers are staffed with people who couldn't get jobs with phone companies. This very much mirrors our experience of having the cable provider supplying us with interweb - or not, as the case turned out. If the line was stable for more than a half our, it was a really good day. Moreover, we weren't exactly surfing the web at the speed of light. Nor were we surfing the web at the transfer rates we paid for. When the interweb really crapped out on us and we had roughly the same odds of getting on the web and stumbling across the Loch Ness monster while it collected its Lotto winnings, I called the cable provider tech support hotline, where a friendly voice informed me that I could find more information regarding my particular problem on their web page. Or in the native dialect: "Du fijnn meir ijnnformassjon på nættsijann' vårræs".

Thanks for nothin'

Phase two was to get a hold of a mobile broadband connection from netcom. We'd tested one out and came to the conclusion that it was fast enough for our purposes, and it really was. For a while. The problem was that it took forever and a day to launch the browser, but in truth this was probably due to the computer we were using, which was not exactly state-of-the-art. A little over six months later, teh mobile broadband connection slowed down for inexplicable reasons, and started to become increasingly unstable. Which is great fun when you're using the online banking services, for example. Enter phase three.

This time, we were going to get proper interweb, dammit. So we purchased a brand spankin' new, kickass laptop (in other words not Dell) and ordered ADSL through Telenor. The modem and junk was supposed to arrive within ten days. If you're guessing that it didn't arrive on time and that an unforseen problem arose, congrats. Step forward and claim your prize - a big bag of nuthin'.

Despite being among the first to be informed of our new address when we moved last April, the douchebag who took my order somehow managed to send it to our old address, which meant the original order had to be annulled and another one initiated. Which meant another ten days of waiting. This time Telenor managed to ship the package to the correct address, and we got to work on setting up the connection. After all, the first sales weasel had told me that the installation procedure was pretty much foolproof unless I had severe technology issues, so I hedged my bets on my wife and I having the necessary tech skills if we pooled our resources. As it turned out, it was pretty much plug'n'play - in theory.

In practice, the very first window we arrived at when running the installation procedure asked whether we had a home alarm system, in which case we needed a servide guy to install it, or odds were the alarm wouldn't be functional anymore. Bummer. Despite this being among the very first alternatives we encountered upon running the installation procedure, the douchemeister who took my order never bothered to ask us whether we had an alarm system. 'Cause you know; getting a service guy to show up takes time.

Next step was to call the broadband patrol ("Bredbåndspatruljen"), in the hopes of getting a time table more narrow than "Yeah; we'll be there some time between now and November". I made the first call to the broadband patrol a week ago, and I was immediately impressed by the fact that they had somehow managed to construct an automated phone service less effective than what the tax and social security offices have. As you call them up, you're greeted by a friendly voice telling you that "In order to connect you to the office closest to you, please press your zip code now." Kewl. Having done that, the same friendly voice told me the following: "You've got the following options: For the southern part of Norway, press 1. For the eastern part of Norway,press 2. ..." What the hell? And having selected the proper area I still had to go through another two options in order to reach the branch office closest to us.

Why in the blue hell would one have to go through that when the first thing you do is enter your zip code?

Oh well; one week later, after several repeat calls to the local branch office and a total number of return calls from the service guy of zero, dude just showed up today with less than a half hour notice. Nevertheless; we've got a functional interweb connection!