Sunday, May 31, 2009

Reflections from the hospital maternity ward

A small collection of thoughts and experiences made while at the maternity ward following the birth of our Baby Boy Viktor
  • People who opt for a home birth due to some green-tinted sixties mind hippie bullshit are outta' their minds. Any birth can turn into a C-section in a hurry no matter how good the prognosis, at which point all the herbal tea in the world ain't gonna help you. Not using the existing resources to facilitate the birth is downright ignorant. Sure; they didn't need doctors to have babies in the olden days, but they also had a life expectancy of 30 and an infant mortality rate that makes smoking crack look like popping omega 3 capsules.
  • You probably have no idea how you're going to react to various aspects of parenthood until you're in the situation. I know I didn't.
  • Much props to the maternity ward at St. Olav's hospital - it's awesome compared to what I've been told from other hospitals around the country. The fact that fathers are allowed to stay at the patient hostel or in the maternity ward throughout for a pittance of a fee absolutely rules. Plus, most of the staff there were the epitome of helpfulness.
  • The "bed" I got to sleep on was a futon-like extravaganza of dimensions exactly as long as I am tall, and exactly as wide as my shoulder width. It wasn't made for someone of my dimensions - that's for damn sure.
  • When you send baby pictures to friends and relatives, the same picture will get you ten different interpretations from eight different people on how much and where the kid looks like his parents.
  • It's amazing how fast you get used to very little sleep and interval napping. I haven't slept this little in years (probably since grad school in NC), but it doesn't affect function. At least not yet.
  • I've never read newspapers (or at least VG and Dagbladet) quite as thoroughly as this past week.
  • It's true what the commercial says: Thank Heaven for 7-11. While hospital food no doubt covers the nutritional needs of the average individual, the taste leaves much to be desired. Hence I mosied on over to 7-11 every night to get me some of that Beef Chop Suey and a couple of cookies.
  • Why would a store called 7-11 need to post a sign on the door specifying the opening hours unless they deviate from the name of the store?
  • The same 7-11 totally got me hooked on photography magazines. From those I've learned that I need to use the raw format, use plane-polarized filters, and start to use Photoshop for post-treatment. Apparently I've also got to purchase all kinds of schtuff I didn't know existed before I bought the magazines.
  • Single-use razors absolutely suck.
  • I actually got a call from someone at work about trivial, work-related stuff while I was at the maternity ward. And yes; the dude in question knew full and well where I was and on what occasion when he made the phone call. Academia apparently waits for no man, and yet "purely academic" is a phrase used when referring to a subject nobody actually cares about. Go figure.
  • Few things are as relaxing and serene as the look and sound of a sleeping infant.
  • Walking out of the hospital with Viktor in my hands was a VERY proud moment

5 comments:

Torbjørn said...

It's amazing how fast you get used to very little sleep and interval napping. I haven't slept this little in years (probably since grad school in NC), but it doesn't affect function. At least not yet.I'll speak to you about this in a year ;)

And again; congratulations!

Wilhelm said...

...that so, huh?

And thanks, Boss

Anders said...

You probably have no idea how you're going to react to various aspects of parenthood until you're in the situation.

Yes, all the books and tips from others won't help. Parenthood is really a "hands-on" experience.

When you send baby pictures to friends and relatives, the same picture will get you ten different interpretations from eight different people on how much and where the kid looks like his parents.

Some people are kinder then others. Welcome to the club of "My Kid Doesn't Look Anything Like Me At All". This is natures way of building trust between the mother and "father"... :-D
Naw, just kidding bro. One thing about photos, especially MMS-quality, an other thing is seeing the baby live.

From those I've learned that I need to use the raw format, use plane-polarized filters, and start to use Photoshop for post-treatment.

Who's been telling you to rotate those suckers like a mo'fo' in Photoshop? And you needed a magazine to tell you that before you accepted it? Somebody's feelings are hurt here...
:-D

Walking out of the hospital with Viktor in my hands was a VERY proud moment

Single-use razors absolutely suck.

Amen to that. Might as well skip shaving.

Few things are as relaxing and serene as the look and sound of a sleeping infant.Trust me on this, watching the kid sleep is one of those things you're not gonna grew tired of for several years... :-D
Walking out of the hospital with Viktor in my hands was a VERY proud moment

Walking out of the hospital with Viktor in my hands was a VERY proud moment

Wilhelm said...

Some people are kinder then others. Welcome to the club of "My Kid Doesn't Look Anything Like Me At All".

LOL...bitterness set to "Stun", I see

Who's been telling you to rotate those suckers like a mo'fo' in Photoshop? And you needed a magazine to tell you that before you accepted it? Somebody's feelings are hurt here...

If only rotating it was the only thing they suggested, your advice would be sound, bro

Amen to that. Might as well skip shaving.

Not an option for me, brah

Anders said...

Not an option for me, brah

Don't know about you, but when I shave with a single-use razor, it looks like I've been in a fight with a cat or something. I have some in my office drawer for emergencies shaves (basically, if I've been too tired in the morning and missed a huge spot during shaving).