Monday, March 16, 2009

Three movies for a Saturday in March

...starting with:

The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008)
If only wishing made it so, but you know what they say: If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry f*ckin' Christmas. At the time this movie came to the theaters, the reviews pretty much stated that it was nothing but an extra long episode of X-files. That was good enough for me. Too bad it wasn't anything close to the truth, which apparently still is out there. First of all; jack $hit happens in the first hour. Imagine the first half hour of "Brokeback Mountain" but with the epic acting skills of David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson and some unnamed extras. The original X-Files really work for me, but that has very little to do with the acting. Fact is; in seasons 8 and 9, David Duchovny bailed out of the series and "Have you seen this boy"-guy from T2 jumped right in without any noticeable decline in the quality of the series. The less said about the "acting skills" of Gillian Anderson, the better. Suffice it to say that she managed to bring her trademark standing with her arms crossed and sighing a lot to the new movie. Much like Ben Stiller in "Zoolander", she also brought her two looks with her; the regular "Blue Steel" (mouth and eyes half open, very "ask your Doctor if Prozac is right for YOU") and the "Magnum" (deer in headlights mouth and eyes wide open) reserved for when $hit really hits the fan, which - mind you - doesn't happen very often. The X-Files work when the conspiracies and aliens are stacked wide and deep and the action is plentiful. The story depicted in "I Want To Believe" isn't even an X-file, but rather a run-of-the-mill illegal organ trafficking dealie, the likes of which shows like "Bones" do SO much better. Moreover, there is stem cell research in this movie. "Dr." Skully needs to use it in a "radical treatment strategy", so immediately following her having heard about it for the first time (some "Dr."), she GOOGLES the term (again, some "Dr."), and prints out everything she finds. A couple of days later she implements it as the "expert" on the medical team.

In the final analysis, f*ckall happens, it's not an X-File, Skully reinforces her already strong credentials as the suckiest on-screen scientist since Keanu Reeves depicted a physics grad student in "Chain Reaction", and the only link to anything even remotely connected to supernatural is a pedophile priest. Joke's totally on me though, as we freakin' bought the movie.

Cheaper By The Dozen (2003)
Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt with a stellar guest performance by Ashton Kutcher. Like the user comments on imdb say; excellent family movie. Feelgood family comedy to the max. Running this one back to back with "X-Files: One Last Hurrah", this Steve Martin flick looked like "Godfather II", "The Big Hit", "Drunken Master" and "Pumping Iron" all rolled up into one.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Seeing as how the previous Hulk movie flat out sucked, I didn't have particularly high hopes for this revamping of the franchise. This despite the lead role being played by Edward Norton himself, one of my absolute favorite actors. As luck would have it, Norton saved the day - this new Hulk movie thingy was an excellent all-out action flick. My faith in Marvel is at least partly restored.

6 comments:

Anders said...

Does Steve Martin still make good movies? Man, I gotta keep up...

Wilhelm said...

That heavily depends upon whether or not you enjoyed his old movies. But sure; CPTD is downright reminiscent of his older stuff. I always enjoyed Steve Martin's work (with some exceptions, like The Out Of Towners), so for me this works just fine

Anders said...

Loved him in Roxanne, Tres Amigos and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels are great. Great stuff. Does that count as old movies?

Wilhelm said...

Sure. Not to mention Planes, Trains And Automobiles (with the late, great John Candy), Sgt. Bilko, Parenthood, Leap Of Faith, Housesitter and Father Of The Bride.

Anders said...

Steve Martin is good in small doses. Not a big fan, I think many of his movies are uneven. Sgt. Bilko has it's moments, Father of the Bride is a bit too "American" for me.

Wilhelm said...

..like there's such a thing as "too American"......