The dog ate my Deca

Professional athletes use performance-enhancing supplements. Sure; whether 100% of them do is up for debate, but a really large fraction of them does. Even professional dart players and bowlers have been caught using illegal performance-enhancing supplements. Golfers? Yup. Pretty much every sport has a portion of it's athletes all drugged up, but that's not really what's interesting. The interesting part comes when some athlete gets caught with a positive test and tries to explain how he or she got, say, an T/E ratio rivalling that of Dorian Yates ca. 1993. It's never their fault, of course, or the fact is somehow time-dependent, like if they deny it until they've retired and can write a tell-all book about it. Considering the medical expertise professional athletes have at their disposal and the fact that most sports only do a primary test using urine samples (due to the high cost of testing blood), it's frankly quite baffling that anyone gets caught at all, but there's always someone who decided that chewing D-bol two days before a competition was a good idea. But that's another story altogether - some of the time-tested excuses include:

• They're only vitamin B12 shots.. This one's been around since the 50s.... Fail!
• I take extra concentrated amino acids. This one's actually been used by Sylvester Stallone. Fail!
• I drank three cups of coffee for breakfast. One female Norwegian bicycle athlete tried to pull this one off after testing positive for ridiculous amounts of caffeine in the bloodstream. Fail!
• I didn't know my boyfriend was using stereoids and he must have slipped me some without me knowing. Hello, Marion Jones..............and there was also the whole Balco thing... Fail!
• I must've eaten some chicken that's been fed on growth hormone and anabolic stereoids. Yeah right. 'Cause the chicken was just injected with a reservoir of GH and you ate it immediately after without processing it with, say, heat. Fail!
• I've never done stereoids in my life, but I've eaten some protein powder...those damn supplement companies must've laced their product with Winny tablets so that it appears more effective. Hmm....lemme think....cost of milk products like casein and whey versus cost of at least vet grade Winny or D-bol........nope; your ignorant ass must've inhaled those AAS on your own merit. Fail!
• I never did no drugs...my doctor/physical therapist/interior decorator/feng shui-guy must've injected me with them without me knowing. Yup; because you'd never know it if someone gave you shots with three different sized needles twice a day in various body parts...... Fail!