Sweet ride...all the way sweet ride

Generic brand automobile of years gone by: 20 kNOK

Brutal snap-on plastic styling set in white and pink: 12 kNOK

Can of black spray-paint: 50 NOK

Swingin' sound system with CD changer and all the Absolute Hard Dance mania CDs: 120 kNOK

Wall-to-wall Wunderbaum: 450 NOK

Some people are burdened with an aesthetic sense. For everyone else, this car looks positively mackin'

TGIE - Thank God It's Easter.

Just a few hours left before I'll have a couple of days off, so I thought I'll post a little funny bit. Actually, there are some really good bits in there about homoepathy/ pseudo-science and science ("Science know it doesn't know everything. Otherwise it would have stopped")



Have a nice Easter, everybody.

Guide to Group Workouts I: Midlife Crisis Edition

If you have long since passed 40 and started to work out not too long ago under the illusion that you could still become a professional bodybuilder, fitness competitor or strongman, this simple 10-step guide can help you establish your reputation as a shitkicker as well as help you maximize attention while at the gym.

Step 1.
Before you set foot in the gym, it is important to groom. For men, this means adopting one of the two following regulation hairstyles, depending on your follicular density; 1) shaved head or 2) see-thru ponytail. If you opt for hairstyle 1), you need to follow up with a fake tan and various bracelets. From option 2) follows by necessity a scruffy, unkept beard and a complexion reminiscent of a hung-over vampire, save from a trucker's tan (optional), with a celtic cross necklace as the only allowed accessory. Irrespective of hairstyle, it is adamant that you get yourself tribal armband tattoos. And remember: "Obsession" by Calvin Klein, Axe or rancid sweat work for any occasion as far as fragrances. For women: Dry, peroxide-blond, jet-black or extra-fake red hair. The blond hairstyle requires lots of spray-tan, while the latter two also work with Caspar-the Friendly Ghost complexion. Regardless of hairstyle, apply copius amounts of make-up, lather up with fragrant body lotion and be sure to use at least half a bottle of perfume. Depending on the pay level of day job (hairdresser, cashier, waitress or kindergarten employee), get one of the following regulation tattoos: Shoulder blade dolphin, heart or "authentic" chinese characters, or tramp stamp and accessories: navel piercing or implants.

Step 2:
Before you can arrange for yourself and at least two of your comrades-in-arms to arrive at the gym, you need to assemble the season-independent workout attire. For men, this means one of two acceptable looks: 1) Ca. 1976 Muscle Beach transplant, or 2) Badass biker wannabe. In either case, make sure that the tank top or XS Li'l Boys' tee is extra snug to show off that upper body, and that you're wearing extra baggy work/workout pants to hide those scrawny, never-exercised legs ('cause you've got bad knees and/or a bad back which prevents you from squats and leg presses...plus you've read that those exercises might hurt the knees or back and they're damn hard). The only allowed exception to this rule is if you belong to the subclass known as "Brightly colored bicycle shorts and tank top delusionites". As far as colors and design, you can never go wrong with camouflage-patterned tank tops, Ed Hardy tees, GASP wear or something featuring the Harley Davidson logo. For women, it can apparently not be tight, ill-fitting and small enough as far as workout attire. Preferably with an exposed belly button, irrespective of fitness level. Make sure that you've got a car that matches your look. For men, this means either a chopper or a truck (season-dependent) for the badass biker wannabe, or some type of horse-power abundant sports vehicle (alternatively a Hummer). For women, either a small black, red or pink sports car or a token BMW SUV.

Step 3.
You're now ready to assemble your crew and get to the gym. Remember: You've got to roll at least deuce deep - preferably three - so if you arrive before the pack is all there, hang out at the counter, talking loudly to the gym staff or in your cell phone. Make sure that the ringtone on your cell phone doesn't betray your physiological age, but rather something from the present top 40, alternatively gangsta' rap (for men only). As you enter the workout area, make sure to carry at least four invisible suitcases.

Step 4.
Did you remember to train, say your prayers and take your vitamins this morning? For the affluent middle-aged male, some hgh and ~600 mg/week of deca and test. For women: Clenbuterol.

Step 5.
Carry a workout bag (GASP) large enough to hold two weeks worth of clothing and shoes. Stock said workout bag with workout gloves, and belt, wraps for every joint on the body, water bottle, at least one shaker bottle containing protein powder for post-workout consumption, towel, amino acid and creatine tablets, little pink tablets, and Icy Hot.

Step 6.
As your crew gets ready to get swole, make sure to occupy approximately 47% of the gym area, including as many benches, dumbbells and machines you can get your hands on in order to mark your territory and make people understand that something big is gonna go down. Get really annoyed if people are trying to cramp your space.

Step 7.
Talk loudly amongst yourselves and shout in order to psyche up/garner attention for the monumental feats of brute force and athleticism to follow. If you can throw some punches in the air in the general direction of your invisible enemies and the mirror, it's a plus. Make sure to start the punch from your shoulder, dropping your guard and sticking your chin out as you menacingly deliver the knockout haymaker to your transparent nemesis. Wonder why that douchebag working out next to you is looking at you with a smirk.

Step 8.
Use 75% heavier weights than your one-rep max for every given exercise and loudly proclaim that you're "Gonna get 10 or 12". At this point, workout partners need to launch a barrage of motivational clichés including "Let's get SERIOUS", "Time to play the GAME", "LIGHT WEIGHT" and "Squeeeeeeze it!". Use full-body movements to complete the reps, no matter the intended muscle group or exercise. As the lifter completes his or her set, and consequently as the spotter completes a set of another exercise (i.e.; spotter does bent-over rows for most of the weight for bench press), make sure to give an "ALL YOU" shout of enthusiasm.

step 9
As you drop the weights to the floor/starting position thus generating maximum noise and resulting attention, walk angrily away from the equipment, shouting that it was easy, and that you could've at least done two more reps. Sometimes the acoustics make it difficult to reach absolutely every corner of the gym, but give it a try anyways. remember; how are people gonna know that you're buff and swole if you don't inform them of this fact? Flex biceps and chest in the mirror (irrespective of muscle groups worked that day). If you're working out with a woman in your crew, loudly remark how you're warming up with heavier weights than her maximum effort. If you're a woman hanging in this crew, it is customary to remark how the males use more weights to warm up with than your maximum effort. Exclaim your intent to use even more weight for the next set. Damn; that motherf*cker with the NC State hat working out next to you is looking at you and shaking his head again.

Step 10.
Smear Icy Hot on all your aching joints and hobble out of the gym while sipping a protein shake and hi-fiving.

Return of the Broski

Oh lawdi-lawd - there's a sequel to My New Haircut - the best thing on the internetz:



There's even a blooper reel + outtakes:



The scene with the two broskis checking out and comparing abs in the gym mirror is ex-'effing-actly like a couple of teh doucheclowns at pretty much every gym I've ever been at.

Don't hate da playa' - hate da game.

Fluorine related (health) problems...

I just came across an article in Dagbladet, about possible negative health effects of some ski waxes. Specifically, after checking the orginal source, it's about perfluorinated carboxylic acids, which some waxes contains and STAMI has found accumulates in the body, and their concern for the working enviroment for professional ski waxers. In itself, it's interesting to see the medias spin on these findings, but I'll leave that for now.


More interesting, the first comment when I check was titled "Er vi utsatt for fluor?" ("Are vi exposed for Fluorine?") by Erik Nissen. For some reason, he manage to link this article to tooth paste, and explains how Pottasium Fluoride (he really means Calcium Fluoride, more on that later) is the good, healthy Fluoride that was intended for dental products and that Sodium Flouride is bad, and explains how the aluminum industry has used tooth paste to get rid of their toxic waste, Sodium Fluoride. First of all, a person would even the most basic chemistry knowledge would understand that if there was a different in health effect between KF and NaF, the most likely culprit is the Sodium, since the Flouride is the same in both.

But wait! Unlike most others, mr. Nissen provides links to highly prestigious journals to back up his claims. More spesifically, the Wise Up Journal. You can't argue with that name, even if you're not a scientist, you just know this is top notch material! And btw, it's in this journal the highly skilled chemist and physican Dr. Nissen translates Calcium into kalium (Pottasium). The article is written by a Johnnie Aysgarth. I couldn't find a single publication on web of science from this guy, but he's in the Wise Up Journal, for crying out loud! Who needs more than that?

I must admit, I'm still surprised with all the little things that people can make conspiracy theories from and, even more important, actually believe. How come it's so hard to believe scientific research, but even the most nut-case theory presented by somebody how has added a couple of random google searches into a theory, that must be the end all truth in the matter at hand? Even if it would take just a couple of minutes to check the most basic facts in those theories and find them completely false? Personally, I blame it on the subconscious messages embedded in the Disney cartoons and the mind controlling nano-bots in the vaccines (Hey, who made me write that?).

Oh, and the Norwegian Institute of public Health is a private owned company, in the hands of the Rockefeller family. But we all knew that.

Remember, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you...

TGIF global warming edition

It's in the form of an actual graph, so it must be true. Pirates are cool!

Oh and Anders: Please disregard the crappy figure design :-)

Scientific peer review ca. 1945

FAN-freakin-tastic. Thanks to Dr. H. for the link



..it's ALWAYS the third reviewer :-)))

Happy Jason Day

TGIF

I'm in the top 10 in buisness!

Juhu!
It's only in the tenth position, but I'm still at number 10:

So this is a list over the most frequent used names of daily managers in companies that has gone bankrupt. It has to be at least 1000 companies registered with that name of the daily manager to be considered for the list.

I'm deeply honoured, and will do my best to climb further up on the list!

Sources: e24.no and forvalt.no

Epic Arnold ownage of political opponent

The above is a letter from Governor Schwarzenegger to a local Democrat explaining why he refuses to sign a bill into law.

Hint: Read the first letter of every line in the two major paragraphs. You'll find that two words are spelled out.

I have no idea what the bill was all about and thus whether the Governator made a prudent decision, but damn was that ever funny.

Bow to the Master

...of music videos, that is. I present to you:

Eminem - We Made You

Just AWESOME...Mr. Mathers proves once and again that he's not your formulaic rapper with videos consisting of Big-screen TVs, rims, hos, jacuzzis and a black leather couch, topped off with Cristal and a bunch of mean-mugging homies pointing at the camera from low angles.

Chickity check yo'self before you wreck yo'self

...'cause being a smoker is bad fo' yo' health. Courtesy of Professor J to da G - much appreciated, brotha'

TGI funny stuff

All graphs stolen from GraphJam.com. Have a nice weekend, y'all!

Since it apparently is Vader time...

...here's a touching father and son moment. It's funny with these classics, when I see them again, sometimes they are not quite as I rememebered them...

Some funny stuff

This just seemed appropriate now... :-D

Not quite power Ballad of the Day September 12th

...but still very relevante these days, by Black Debbath.

Have a nice weekend!

..the drugs don't work some more

This VG article, that I wrote about in a post yesterday, is a veritable treasure trove of delusions, bone-headed statements and factual errors. Clearly the previous post did not milk the material for all that it's worth - hence the follow-up. Here, I'll present some translated passages from the "article", with some commentary. I'm thinking that the "journalist" who wrote this piece does not have any journalism awards in his future:

"The humidity in the gym is almost inhuman, and the sweat is flowing from the large man. Here, there are no women, TV screens or treadmills. It's all about men, muscle and testosterone. They're pumping iron. Powerful upper arms are being worked to grow even larger and more bulging."

First of all, this reeks of heavy-duty bromance on the part of the "journalist". Second, it reads suspiciously similar to what has been written about Metroflex Gym in Texas, where former Mr. Olympia Ronnie Coleman used to work out. Almost verbatim, as a matter of fact... And how many clichés can you fit into one paragraph?

"One of the big guys is Tom from Oslo. He is 40 years old and works in the IT business."

First of all, unless someone screwed up and pulled a switcheroo on the photos in the articles, in what universe would "Tom" be considered to be a big guy? And second of all; a creepy-looking 40-year old IT loser from Norway who loiters around in Pattaya? Imagine my surprise. The only thing that would be more stereotypical was if he was anonymous and his face wasn't shown.....wait...never mind.

"'Thailand is one of the easiest countries to score anabolic steroids in - it's just as available as in Mexico', says Tom, who wishes to be anonymous. 'In Norway, the gyms are very strict. If you take steroids, you need to go to special gyms that are not part of a corporate chain, but even there you need to be careful', he says."

So people who take steroids are not found in corporate gym chains such as S.A.T.S? That doesn't really fit with what's usually written - coincidentally also with testimonies from anonymous douchebags who'd never have been suspected of drug use. So when people from, say, 24 Hour Fitness in Oslo compete in national bodybuilding competitions, they must be natural, right? 24 Hour Fitness being the mother of all international corporate gyms and all? It doesn't really fit with my experience from Norwegian gyms either - I've heard people talk about steroid cycles in pretty much all the gyms I've been to. And coincidentally I've never even heard of anyone who was tested or suspended from a gym due to drug use. Then again, I'm sure "Tom" knows what he's talking about. After all, he looks like the second coming of Arnold......

"Tom has been to Thailand several times"

I bet he has. I also wouldn't be surprised if "Tom" is the proud owner of an unmarked, windowless white van.

"Pattaya is a perfect place to work out. During the day, it's not much else to do. The gyms are good. They've got heavy weights, and the gyms are built for those who wish to work out hard and seriously."

There is not much else to do? There are no beaches, sights, excursions, that sort of thing in Thailand? Wow. Really a man of the world, "Tom". Regarding the gyms, the heavy weights and how it's tailored to serious lifters - again the photographic evidence sort of contradicts the story. Unless, that is, someone swapped the images, and a story about some poor shirtless guy currently trying to work his way back to health following a traffic accident now features pictures of a bodybuilder. Assuming the reekazoid in the photos really is "Tom" though, either this guy is more delusional than the combined delusion of all the flunkees from the first round of any talent show like "Idol", or the photographer only shot images of "Tom" warming up very lightly. From the accompanying photos, "Tom" wouldn't be able to roll heavy weights across the floor. More than 3/4 of males who actively lift weights have some form of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). However, the most common variety is to feel a lot smaller than the rest of the world perceives you to be. "Tom" on the other hand, clearly falls in the other category, where he looks in the mirror and sees something akin to a late 90's Kevin Levrone. What's perhaps most interesting here, is that Tom's BDD appears to have carried over to the "journalist", who also harbors the delusion that Tom looks like a steroid-using bodybuilder.

"As is typical for bodybuilders, Tom's got wide shoulders, enormous upper arms and a narrow waist. He has been bodybuilding since he was 22 years old."

Again, photographic evidence contradicts the statements made here. And if this is the results of 18 years of hard, consistent training with 'roids, then "Tom" sure got the fuzzy end of the lollipop in the genetic department.

"I could watch myself grow as I built muscles. It gave me a rush, and I like to stay in shape says "Tom", who does not have a family."

..so "Tom" is single....imagine my surprise. An anonymous 40 year old single creepy-looking Norwegian IT nerd with a drug habit and delusions of adequacy who spends a lot of time and money in Pattaya. I can't understand why he's not fighting off women with a pointy stick.

"When Tom works out with dumbbells, he can easily do eight repetitions with each arm."

Nope - that's not a misprint. While I'm trying my best to be impressed that "Tom" can muster sufficient coordination to perform a non-descript movement eight times with each arm - easily, the level of impressiveness is somewhat dependent on how much resistance "Tom" is using, of which no mention is made. Now; I'm not at all blaming this on "Tom" - I put the blame for this squarely on the "journalist", who ought to go back to writing "For a good time call ..." on bathroom stalls.

"Tom started to experiment with steroids at an early age. ... Now he has to use doping (steroids) to maintain his body. 'At home I'm smaller because I don't use steroids that often, but here in Thailand I can build myself up again', "Tom" says."

He has to use drugs to maintain THAT, and he gets smaller when he returns to Norway because there he doesnt use 'roids that often? Dude; you're totally being ripped off - whatever you're taking isn't working. Or if you're getting legit stuff, you should see your GP in Norway, where odds are good that you can get a script for testosterone to get your levels up from that of a nine-year old girl. If the latter is the case, odds are you've got the worst genetics on the planet. 18 years and lots of roids and THAT's the result? Congratulations.

"He claims that he has not gotten any side effects from the steroids since he only uses large amounts when he is in Pattaya. When he's there, on the other hand, he uses both syringes and capsules, dianabol and andriol."

No kiddin' about the lack of side effects. Sugar pills and brine hardly give any side effects commonly associated with AAS. Which by the way also goes a long way towards explaining the complete lack of results, considering that this reekazoid claims to use large quantities when in Thailand.

By the way, from a writing point of view, the "pair" thing only works if the two pairs are correlated - "syringes and capsules, dianabol and andriol". While it's true that andriol - or testosterone undecanoate - comes in gel capsules, dianabol is most often taken orally and usually comes in the form of tablets - pink ones, even. So; barring "journalistic creative license" (a failed one at that), "Tom" also uses more heavy-duty injectable steroids. Maybe that's the problem right there: Yo "Tom": Not all pink tablets are d-bol.

..the drugs don't work

...according to VG, Thailand is an eldorado for bodybuilders, as represented by "Tom", a self-admitted steroid user from Oslo who travels to Thailand every year in order to stock up on gear. According to the "article" - "Tom" has wide shoulders and enormous upper arms.

So; hypothetically speaking...if you're gonna write an article about drugs and bodybuilding, wouldn't it be a good idea to find some "model" and interview subject who, I don't know, at least looks like he works out? Nobody would suspect this loser of steroid use. As a matter of fact, he should lawyer up, take a bunch of shots (pardon the pun) and use the photographic evidence to get his money back. If he's honest about having purchased gear, he obviously was sold sugar sugar pills and brine/oil suspensions.

Talk about delusions of grandeur..Methinks "Tom" might very well be in Thailand for purposes of "injection", but that the "injections" in questions have nothing to do with Deca, Winny or Test.

Power ballad September

As I said in a previous comment, not much I can add about the music. But I do like to read what you write about each tune. Some of it is really funny, as well.